the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
Randomize
