she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize
