I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
Randomize
