he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
Randomize
