That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
