Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
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the room spins SO much faster in panama
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
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All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
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