there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
Randomize
