A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
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