it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
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