I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
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