Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
Randomize
