Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
splinters make it hard to masturbate
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Randomize
