Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
Randomize
