Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
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Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
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I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
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