You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
Randomize
