oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Randomize
