I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
