No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
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