No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Randomize
