Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
Randomize
