So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
i need an iv and a liver transplant
so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
Randomize
