Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
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