yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
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