Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Randomize
