That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
Randomize
