I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
Randomize