I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
Randomize
