I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
Randomize
