So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Randomize
