He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
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