my room smells like sperm. sweet.
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
Randomize
