pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
Randomize
