Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
Randomize
