If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
Randomize
