If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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