This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
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