guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
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