lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
Randomize
