I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now Heβs Upset Because People Told His Mom
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
Help. Why am I so naked?
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP ππππ
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