oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
Randomize
