How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
