oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
