is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
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Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
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Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
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