found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
Randomize
