So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
Randomize
