so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
Randomize
