Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
And the cops told us we were all naked.
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
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