Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
