Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
oh god was she eating orange peels again
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
