did you get engaged???
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
Randomize
