Kenny Powers is just a normal guy with exceptional hair
He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
accomplished twins. life is a go
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
Randomize
