Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
one word: firstdatebathroomanal
i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
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