My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
Randomize
