alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
We got so high we made milksteak
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
Randomize
