CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
Randomize
