He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
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