How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
Randomize
