Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
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