I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
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