I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
