Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize