I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
Randomize
