im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
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