Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
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