Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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