this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
Cover your peen. We're going out.
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
Randomize
