I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize