im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
Randomize