Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
Randomize
